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  • Tara R.


Have you heard? Spring has sprung!! Excited?

Check! But, are you reeeeeally ready?

Switching outta sweater-weather mode takes work. The shaggy summer bob may be cute, but the shaggy legs not so much.

But, you’re in luck! Modern advancements in science and

cosmetics have once again come to the rescue! Now, there’s a treatment for all that ails you: THE SHEET MASK. It’s here, and it’s here to stay!! No fancy creams or regimens, ladies – just a simple sheet mask can get your entire life on back on track. Trust me, there’s one just right for you! Here are the top 7 sheet-masks that can help you get from here-to-there in no time flat...

1. The Golden Goddess. This is sheet-mask 101. Super easy to apply and the results are immediate. Simply drape the drenched sheet over say, a full face of make-up, and let the magic begin. Pores, fine lines, stubborn hairs and surgery scars will simply evaporate, head to toe. Your skin will be left smooth, supple and a healthy, even shade of bronze. This basic mask will have you beach-ready before you even have time to get off the plastic surgeon’s waitlist.

2. The GG2. This mask is not only a great exfoliant, but it’s packed with fiber! Simply apply, with lots of water, but make sure to be near a bathroom. You may be only one sheet-mask away from your goal-weight!

3. The Clarifier. This mask truly works wonders. Just apply, sit back and let the illumination begin. When you remove the mask minutes later, the results will astonish you. You will know why your best friend is pissed at you, where your son should send his first-choice letter, who to seat together at next week’s luncheon, how Hillary lost, and if you are really ready to give up Facebook. This gentle mask can’t be used too much. It will leave you brighter, clearer, and quite possibly, brilliant.

4. The Neutralizer. A medium-strength sheet mask that sheds toxins and promotes balance. This mask takes a bit longer to engage, but the resulting evenness will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Your closet will be color coordinated and rid of items that are too small or have holes. Your contacts will have cleared all duplicates and old emails. Your return pile will go "poof!" with receipts filed alphabetically. Simply throw away the mask, moisturize, and enjoy the equilibrium.

5. The Deep-Cleaner. This heavy-duty mask truly does it all. Apply gingerly around the eyes as this stuff is not for sissies. Lie back and remember to breath – as the tingle means it’s working. When you remove the mask, your countertops will gleam, your windows will be free of grime, and great quantities of coins, crumbs and fidget spinners will have been unearthed from beneath your spotless sofa cushions. You may be a bit flushed after this mask, but you know what they say – no pain, no gain.

6. The Relaxer. This mask is best used at night and while reclining in a deep-soak tub filled with milled French soap and fresh rose petals. This mask is for the woman who wants to luxuriate, and who knows what luxuriate means. Inhale deeply and let the aroma penetrate your senses, and your soul. When you remove the mask, you will observe that your children aren’t brawling, have cleared the dinner table, brushed their teeth and are calmly reading Tolstoy in their rooms. The party planner will have returned your call, and you will have made peace with the rental north of the highway. A more balanced you awaits. This mask is truly a miracle-worker!

7. The Healer. This mask is not for the faint of heart. In order to repair, you must be willing to feel the burn. But this mask gets it done. There is no patch-testing a sheet mask, so be sure to apply this one only when you are ready to see real results. Once removed, your mother-in-law may pop in just to “say hi”, your ex-communicated

college roommate may suddenly want to meet your kids, and your husband who was pissed that you made couples' plans two nights in a row may get lovey-dovey without warning. Change can be hard, so make sure you are prepared for it before opening the package. Some scars are there for a reason.

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