Search
  • Tara R.

IT'S JUST A FLU SHOT...


Come on, it's just a flu shot…

It will be over before you know it. I'll go first.

Deep breathe, little prick - oh wait, you’re done? Wow! You are good!

See? That wasn’t so bad. Sweetie, it’s over before you can blink; no more than a little pinch. Stay still! You’ll be late to Applause. It’s just a flu shot!

I AM holding her down! She’s strong! I’m not a human straight-jacket! This is Italian cashmere—it crushes easily!! Ok…1,2,3 ...NOW! Damn it, there she goes!! Nurse, stop her! Sweetie, stop screaming! G-d damn it, stop that shrieking!! IT’S JUST A FLU SHOT!!!

See?! I told you. Not so bad, right? Even though my arm does suddenly feel like it got stuck in a possessed blood-pressure cuff. Throbbing like it was attacked by a swarm of bees on pop rocks. Why does it feel like I recently arm-wrestled with John Cena? It’s so sore, so red, so HOT. It’ll pass. I mean, it’s just a flu shot.

Jesus H. Christ, do not TOUCH ME!! I should never have gotten in this tiny elevator with six bouncy tweens eating dum dums. If you so much as graze this tender, inflamed, bulls-eye area, I will end you. Even though I know your mother...

I’ll sleep this off. Tomorrow it will be fine. Just gonna roll over and ... MOTHER-forker!!! It’s like a hot stake covered in steel thorns being jammed into my bicep; I can NOT sleep on this side. But it's my sleep side. Maybe if I just roll over reeeeeally slowly. That should work. I mean, it’s just a flu shot.

Ugh, I don’t feel well. Is that a tickle in my throat? I’m achy and pain-y and feel like I’m about to get sick. How could this happen? I just had my flu shot, like, no more than three days ago? Oh, it’s unrelated you say. I get it. It’s just a flu shot.

Nurse Parson? Everything ok? Yes, yes, we’ll pick her up right now!! How high is her fever? Is she coughing? How’s her tummy? Poor thing, I'm sure it’s just a bug. Yes, she had her flu shot last month.

I AM holding her down! She’s strong! I’m not a human straight-jacket! This is Pologeorgis—it crushes easily!! Ok…1,2,3, NOW!! Damn it- there she goes! Nurse, stop her! Sweetie, stop screaming! G-d damn it, stop that shrieking!! IT’S JUST A FLU TEST!!!

See? I told you – not so bad. Wait, what the hell? She has the flu?! But she had a flu shot!! Explain this to me slowly -- lest I actually take a swing at your receptionist when she charges me 300 dollars and tells me that there’s a Tamiflu shortage, and it isn’t covered on my plan anyway.

Oh, I get it. Too many strains. You did the best you could. After all, it’s just a flu shot.

Recent Posts

Archive

Tags

No tags yet.