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  • Tara R

2020 HOLIDAY JINGLES


To the tune of:

Jingle Bell


Zinfandel,

Zinfandel,

Zinfandel all day

Oh, what fun it is to drink in pajamas from Tuesday…


Hey!


Alarm bell,

What fresh hell?

Is it Groundhog day?

Oh, what fun it is to rise, now pass the Cabernet!



To the tune of:

Jingle Bell Rock


Temperature, temperature, temperature check,

Thermometer swings, and thermometer pings.

Over and over, and do it again,

Now the symptom check fun can begin.


Check the lid, change the cap, ear wax is vile,

Pulsating chime, low-battery time.

Oh no, and now the thing fell to the floor,

Time to go to the store!


What a bright time, it’s the right time,

To get out of the house.

8 am time, is a swell time,

To be glidin’ away with a kiss to the spouse.


Giddy-up, watch the floor, pick up your feet,

Jingle into to your dot.

Mix and mingle, but don’t touch that receipt,

That’s the CVS trot!


Back it up, back away, please move back dance,

Six feet away, only then Ill advance.

Dancin’ and prancin’, ensconced in my shell,

Oh, the very best to you as well!


What a bright time, it’s the right time,

to curl up with your phone.

New dog bell time, it’s a swell time,

to take him for a walk since you just got home.


Bundle up, face mask on, back on your feet,

8:15 on the clock,

Mix and mingle, but not a soul on your street,

No, you’re not going deaf.

It’s a big WTF?

That’s the jingle bell rock!



To the tune of:

Oh Chanukah, Oh Chanukah


Oh Chanukah, oh Chanukah,

come light the gas heater.

Let’s have a party,

don’t come within a meter.

Gather round the table,

but pour your own wine.

Handwarmers to play with,

Crap gelt on which to dine.


And while we

are freezing,

your mask falls a little too low,

If I look affright,

it’s your nose in plain sight

and that face from so long, long ago…

Yes, if I look affright,

if my skin turns clear white,

it’s because you’re not aging so slow.



To the tune of:

Winter Wonderland


Door bell rings, are you listening?

Nothing there, but package glistening,

A scurrying sight, the driver in flight,

No contact delivery is bland.


Kids gone upstairs, to play Among Us,

Dinner untouched, it’s such a ruckus,

Their dad hums a song, as we go along,

I just want to be fawned over, and fanned.


In the backyard, I can build a snowman

Then pretend that he’s from outta town,

Ask him if he wants a little ‘show’, man,

Then bat my eyes and maybe we’ll get down…


Later on, I’ll conspire

To escape, from the asylum,

To wed unafraid, the snowman I made,

Walking in our winter wonderland…


In the woods, we can build a new life,

And ignore those who don’t wish us well,

We’ll have lots of fun, me and my snowman,

My former family can go to hell…


When he melts, there’s no quandary,

To do or not…

to do the laundry?

Meals are a breeze,

A twig and some trees,

He doesn’t complain,

Or clog up the drain,

He’s unspeakably nice,

Though he’s made of ice,


We’ll frolic and play, the 2020 way…

Walking in a winter wonderland.



HAPPY HOLIDAYS!





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