I wish for coffee in bed. No, not like that. With milk. No, not whole milk. I did NOT say twelve Splenda, I said two Splenda! Do you not see me do this every morning? Do I even exist?
I wish that when I tell you to get off your phone and try picking up a book, you didn’t counter it by asking me what I’ve read lately.
I wish for a generous supply of cuddle coupons, and an equally ample supply of coupons that read 'sorry-come-back-later' and 'socially distanced family time.'
I wish that you wouldn’t sigh SO emphatically when it becomes painstakingly evident that my so-called math skills are not up to snuff, and I will not be able to help you with your worksheet (What the hell are they even really asking you? This isn’t clear…)
I wish that when I accidentally walk in on your class Zoom in a robe and glasses to clean up the latest debris scattered around your desk, you politely just ask me to leave before snapping it to the entire class. (Thank you for not including the teacher.)
I wish that we had worked just a wee bit harder on your fine motor skills back in pre-school. I mean, I thought writing cursive would be useless, but I never imagined you’d become my lead in-house aesthetician.
I wish for a PAUSE on Tik Tok mom-shaming; it’s WAY harder than it looks! We mere mortal moms may seize the tiny victory that comes from “slaaaaaying” one obscenity-laden song, but after that, we are shutting it down.
I wish that when you get suddenly thirsty during online PE class, you didn’t just scream “WATER!!”
I wish you would answer my questions as attentively as you answer the ones on your Instagram Live.
I wish that you didn’t always decide to unmute your online world just as I am screaming at your father for something he definitely didn’t do.
I wish everyone a happy and healthy Mother's Day. Be well!!