I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!
August 17, 2020
Never have I ever…
…thrown out my store-bought sliced melon because I suddenly wondered who cut it.
…had the thought that I might indeed be a saint, while graciously waving through a deer-in-headlights driver attempting a left onto 27.
…pretended to be enjoying myself while briskly walking through a restaurant, questioning my beguiling decision to venture out because, like, is this really worth it?
Never have I ever...
…worn skinny jeans and flats and not cared one iota if I can get away with it.
…avoided making eye contact with my UPS driver. (He knows way more about me than any one person should.)
…ordered “wishing thinking” clothes.
…noticed a panicky feeling in my stomach when my fuel gauge falls to half-empty.
…felt zero remorse for not holding the door open for a gaggle of teenagers behind me at Stony Clover.
…felt painstaking remorse when I carelessly let the door shut on any person who appears older than me.
…envisioned judgement day when asked if I’d like to leave a tip on a take-out order.
…gestured triumphantly as I snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and finally get through to Sen on a Sunday night.
…been that a-hole arguing with the hostess because it takes 4 hours to get a toro roll.
…wistfully remembered the days when having a “good” or “bad” pod just referred to the damn Keurig.
…told my kids they can eat in their rooms because I don’t want them messing up my kitchen.
…told my children that the bug was on the outside of the window.
And never have I ever…
…told you that you can use my bathroom with breezy nonchalance, and then fumigated like you just stumbled out of a two-day kegger in the Ozarks. Never.
September 25, 2020
PARENTS' BACK-TO-SCHOOL SCHEDULE
September 14, 2020
PANDEMIC NEVER HAVE I EVER…