So, yes, EVERYTHING is cancelled. While it may feel like time is standing still, there are things that continue to shift at warp speed. Namely, my state of mind. In this topsy-turvy world, my vibe can go from being easy like Sunday morning, to Black Sabbath sinister, and back again, pretty quickly. They say it’s impossible to feel two things at once, but, have they met 2020?
ONE MINUTE, I am causing my Steps app to implode with a superhuman 60,000 daily strides; THE NEXT, I am splayed on my sofa, eviscerated by the latest hot mess of news to pop up on my phone…
ONE MINUTE I am baking fresh goods and surprise-gifting them to my doormen; THE NEXT, I am stuffing my face with said freshly-baked goods, in the hopes of weighing down the never-ending rug being pulled out from beneath me…
ONE MINUTE, I am poised and peacefully listening to my Calm app; THE NEXT, I am Crazy-Eddie frantic because I still can't figure out Google Chrome…
ONE MINUTE, I am feeling cleansed as I purge my home of all extraneous belongings; THE NEXT, I am aimlessly shopping through an online black hole of sh-t I don’t need.
ONE MINUTE, I am commending my husband’s impressive personal growth as he says nothing about the renewed stream of incoming Amazon boxes; THE NEXT, I am sneering as he dramatically huffs and puffs his way through breaking down said boxes.
ONE MINUTE, I am on Zillow researching secluded rural compounds good for families; THE NEXT, I am surfing something called www.distantboardingschools.org.
ONE MINUTE, I am in charge of ordering in dinner for the family, and everyone will be happy; THE NEXT, I ask my husband to do it, but it’s still all my fault when it all comes in wrong.
ONE MINUTE, I am begging my children for a sliver of anything that resembles physical affection; THE NEXT, I am reminding them that the original MOFO of all quarantines was 10 months in my belly, and, can they please just leave me be for one minute??
ONE MINUTE, I am numbly following the arrows on the Candyland-board floor of my supermarket; THE NEXT, I am this close to going apeshit on the woman who nearly takes me down by walking against the traffic.
Moody is the new black. It's everywhere. Wear it well.