IF YOU COMBINE WINE AND LUNCH, THE NEW WORD IS WUNCH...

THREE well-heeled women (30's? 50's? Only god knows...) sit at a table, in the middle of the sidewalk. SASHA, AMY and MARA.

SASHA

Ladies, thank you so much for joining me.

AMY

It’s SO nice to be out again.

MARA

This feels so normal!

The women clink glasses and then pass around wipes to clean them off. They use phones to scan menu.

SASHA

Oh no, what’s this?

AMY

What?

SASHA

I just got a ... REALLY long text.

AMY

A long text is never good news.

SASHA (nervously)

I can't look. Here, you read it...

AMY

I am NOT touching your phone. Screenshot it!

SASHA

Ok, done.

AMY

Oh my god -- you didn’t invite Bella to Zoe’s birthday party?

SASHA

In normal times, I would have, but these are Covid times. And it wasn’t a party! It was a small get-together. She's 8!

MARA

Well, this mom is, like, big-time aggrieved. She keeps formally addressing you by your first name...

SASHA (panicky)

What should I do?

AMY

You need to send her a save-the-date to something.

SASHA

Good idea... but...what?!

AMY

Zoe’s Bat Mitzvah!

MARA

That’s in 5 years!

AMY

Tell her that you could only invite the kids in Zoe’s school pod.

SASHA

Yes, but Ellie was there. I’ll tell her I could only invite the girls in her school pod, and the girls who she sees after school.

AMY

Yes, but Ava was there. Tell her that you could only invite the girls in her school pod, the girls from after-school, and their siblings…

SASHA

…but only the ones who go to the same school.

MARA

...and who’s names start with a vowel and were born on a Wednesday.

SASHA

Ok, got it. Wait, what?!

MARA

Just don’t respond.

AMY

Yeah, how dare she come after you like that on text? I mean, you may have antibodies, but you're human...

SASHA

This is too much pressure. I’m ignoring...

MARA

On second thought, silence could backfire. I mean, she could report you. You don’t want to be associated with the SS.

SASHA

The SS?! It was a unicorn-themed party! I mean, get-together!

MARA

The Super Spreaders.

SASHA

They wore masks!

MARA

Tomato, To-mah-to...

AMY

Just chill - no one is getting reported for anything! Just tell her it was an oversight.

SASHA

People make mistakes! It happens!

MARA

Yes, but anyone who writes the two-screen-text with no emojis worries me...

AMY

Well, what do you suggest?

MARA

I think you need to make a plan with her.

SASHA

A plan?! But my covid time is precious. I’ve found peace. My priorities. I even started a book!

MARA

Literacy can wait; optics cannot...

AMY

I think you should just apologize, move on, and go BIG for Zoe’s 9th.

SASHA

Or, I could just throw something together for the girls in the other pod.

AMY

And maybe something for the camp friends.

SASHA

Right, and also her soccer friends. And those cute twins from downtown who we see in Mayakoba.

AMY

You mean, who we saw, back when we saw people.

MARA

Or just do One and Done? A big Zoom party? It's not the same, but it is all-inclusive.

SASHA

And get virtual gifts? No, thank you.

AMY

Virtual gifts are a fraction of regular gifts. Go live.

SASHA

So, it's settled. In-person only.

AMY

One birthday – four parties. Very covid de rigeur…

SASHA

They’re get-togethers!!

END SCENE