BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Dear Covie, though I think you go by Omi now, but my friends have been calling you Oh-my-cron!,

So, listen, I get it. It’s holiday season. We all get a little wistful and nostalgic. But please, dude, you can't just show up at my doorstep unannounced and say you want to to see where things go. I thought we had agreed that we were on a break!

I had basically forgotten you existed. I stuffed my chair around a holiday table full of distant relatives – I exposed myself to hearty laughter and shared servings spoons. Maybe I even dipped my finger in a sweet potato casserole and sucked it. And I didn’t think about you once.

At first, when you started disappearing, I was broken without you. I didn’t know how to get out of bed, or make plans, or cobble together a coherent sentence. Yet still, I put one sweatpant leg in front of the other, and I made progress. Soon enough I had fresh highlights, lip gloss and conversational skills. I was out and about. But it’s so like you to come crawling back, thinking you can just go off and reinvent yourself and show up stronger than ever, saying you are just SO into me. You always love when I play hard to get.

Look, it’s not just that you’re too needy. I understand needs. It was essential that I parade around at three sporting events in one week. It was integral to my wellness plan to book a trip to a Level 3 country (at least it was level 3 when I got there.) But, like, why do you even care what I do? We were ON A BREAK!

I mean, things weren’t necessarily over over, but I was a free agent and could do as I pleased.

When I stop and really think about it, I am not necessarily opposed to us getting back together. But I need a commitment. I can’t take another sleepless night wondering where you’re at. One minute, you have no use for me, the next, you can’t survive without me. I know you say you’ve changed, you’ve evolved, blah, blah, blah…and trust me, I appreciate your wanting to work on yourself! But I don't need a new and improved you. I need answers.

So, look, take all the time and space you need to figure yourself out, but in the meantime, please get off my scent. I’ll be fine with or without you – I just need to know, and soon: Are you in? (If yes, I will reopen my Baldor account and binge lists…) Or are you out? (If no, I will book summer travel.) Enough with the mind games.

Air hugs,

me