Have you ever tried to explain to your kids what life was like before cell phones? It’s not easy. I literally don’t know how I ever made plans at college. I have vague recollections of emergency-breakthroughs (do you accept?), pay-phones, answering machines, and “checking messages,” but there’s no actual footage to prove it. Like, was that all just a dream? Did it even occur? And if I did make plans, how on earth did I cancel?!But, despite my deep curiosity about the gems I might unearth had technology existed to record the 2 am bathroom shenanigans at Smoke’s, I am NOT deeply saddened that my younger years were lived in real-time and selfie-free. It was life, uninterrupted. And if there’s one thing I learned for sure, it’s that my children are waaaay too attached to their phones. Enough is enough. It’s impossible to get them to look up. And we are going to have a little chat about it. Now.
Just as soon as I read this new message about the final hours of the extended cyber-Monday sale. And then take this short facebook quiz to find out which character from Clueless best matches my personality. And then maybe read the first-half of a Bret Stephens column that my ex-boyfriend’s brother-in-law posted, and then only like 25, max 400, of the comments. Then, and exactly then, we are having a serious tete-a-tete about making some changes around here.We are going to put a limit on all this odious screentime. In fact, I’m going to do it right now – and by that, I mean, right after I wait for this very important email. From someone. It could be from work, or school, or UPS, or DHL, or a wine sale, or my Secret Santa gift exchange. But it’s downloading… … … … …And then, we are going to have the talk. If fact, very soon. Just as soon as I check this incoming high-winds weather alert and then google “what’s the likelihood that a tree will fall on your house during a storm?”
I just need two quick minutes to respond to this high school group text. Annie sent an article from Daily Mail UK about baby sharks spotted swimming in Winnie from The Wonder Year’s pool. I must search this and see if it’s true.
Oh, look! How celebrities celebrated Thanksgiving! Must see pics!
Hold that thought! The sixth grade mom chat is on fire! Someone just sent an article about how our kids are too attached to their phones. I should probably read that right now. Then we will talk about removing that device from your hand.
Except wait — Cuomo’s on. This is important. One sec. He’s talking about the importance of getting our kids out of their rooms and off their phones. Sorry — I need a minute here. Actually, we’ll discuss this at dinner.
You heard right, dinner. Din-ner. When you kids finally come down from your dimly-lit lairs and sit at the table like actual human beings, we are going set some new rules. There are no phones at our table. Except the one tucked under my thigh like some shamanic, prophylactic hot stone because grandma just texted me that she was out walking and what if she slips — I need to be available. In fact, my leg is ringing. New rules start tomorrow.
But, I mean my kids are WAY too attached. Thank god I didn’t have a phone when I was their age.