ME TIME, NO MORE...

Ok, people, it's time for last licks! You endured the agony of being away from your kids, and now, it’s time to prepare for the shock of their return. Admit it, you’ve basically stopped writing them and caring if they look “happy.” You’ve had a good laugh over a time when the thought of a night alone in your house sent shivers down your spine. In fact, you’re determined to suck every last drop of sweet juice from the bottle of answering-to-no-one-but-yourself. (If you’re anything like me, that means the next week spent in a purgatory state btw wanting to lie in bed to finish Netflix and go out and conquer the world.)

Well buck up, ladies and gents, because the circus is indeed coming back to town. Pretty soon, you’ll feel like an ass for bemoaning your long drive to Duryea’s when you are running a legit shuttle service for little people who shed Pirate’s Booty all over the car. It’s time to put your parent brain back on. What can you do to prepare? I thought you’d never ask:

STOCK YOUR FRIDGE. Yes, I know you have had a good time this summer – it is indeed possible to have your cup runneth over while your fridge is stark empty. But your kids need things like milk, juice and lunch – oh, and also snacks that didn’t expire during the second surge. Refamiliarize yourself with concepts like meal prep and menu planning. Chill, it’s like riding a bike…

DRY OUT. This doesn’t really need explanation. Just take a moment and try to remember the distinct feeling of being pounced on at 5:45 am, or asked for help with trig homework at 9 pm when you’ve had a low-grade headache all day.

READ A BOOK. You will ask them, and they will ask you. It feels shitty when they have read more.

BUY NEW SHOES. The trunks won’t be back for weeks, and the washing of said trunks takes even longer, but – make no mistake, your kids will be chomping at the bit to go out and “do stuff.” Don’t be the parent of the kid at Candy Kitchen who’s busting out of his old shorts from last summer or teetering on too-short Havaianas.

DISABLE THEIR PHONES. Okay, you can’t do that. But a girl can dream, right? (In fact, I would make a pact with every reader of this blog to partake in a big lie that Instagram went under.)

FINISH SEX/LIFE (THE SHOW, NOT YOURS,,,). Your kids can NOT, I repeat, NOT stumble into the room looking for their Teddy while you have this show on.

And finally…. RELAX. Try not to spend your last few days of freedom worrying about your kids. They are not worried about you. Sure, they cried to come home, but that was before camp broke out the big guns. I promise, they have basically forgotten you exist.