Okay, guys, I think we need to review the ground rules. NO, not you, my teenage daughter who hasn’t had a normal social interaction in a year but is doing a remarkably good job of resembling an actual person. I mean, the rest of you.
I get it. This sucks. We all want this to end, but we're really not sure when it will. We are tired; we are tense. And we are all too trigger happy.
Which has me worried. So many able-bodied adults are posting/commenting willy-nilly, that, at this rate (no pun intended), we'll have nothing left to do POST-pandemic because everyone's been knocked down from the free-for-all of digital punches. It's boring to be stuck at home, for sure, but if we can’t maintain some semblance of online decorum, then, well, how on earth can we hope to reboot in-person with any degree of civility?
But, don’t despair, kids. I mean, adults. You can still feed your itchy finger without causing too many scratches. Here are things you CAN post about:
1. Anything having to do with your dog. And by dog, I mean not other human beings within spitting distance.
2. Your air fryer. And by air fryer, I mean not the brick stone oven in the back of the restaurant where it’s warm and toasty and we can actually see what you’re wearing.
3. Photos of yourself all bundled up while dining outdoors (for a brave-the-elements pic you need so badly that you’ll hand your pristine phone to the busy waiter, but will actually never use in a future montage because you're at your pandemic fighting weight and have mask-ne.)
4. Retweets from a random guy on twitter named DavidballsRDeep because his humor really resonates and we’re all in this together.
5. Anything Peleton.
6. Screenshots of the last book you read. And by book, I mean not the menu at the restaurant with the brick stone oven, where you’re sitting snugly at a corner table and we can see the weave of your cute sweater.
7. The new Air Jordans that you just snagged on StockX. And by Air Jordans, I mean not the airport gates of heaven that lead to someplace, anyplace other than where we all actually are.
8. Scenic snapshots, as long as they’re from a location where you regularly receive mail. And by shots, I don't mean that shot . Or the second one. You may be young, scrappy and hungry, but it's none of our business if you do, or do not, give away your shot. It's probably best to just keep that curtain closed. So, that we all may, peacefully, open up.