AUTO-INCORRECT: MY PHONE HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN

We’ve all heard a lot of noise over the past few weeks about Chat GPT and AI. I mean, as if we didn’t have enough to worry about for future generations, let’s add to the list a mind-bending Terminator-on-steroids dystopia in which robots are better at being human than humans.

But then, alas, I look down at my phone, otherwise known as my third child, my inseparable technological companion, and I have hope. Because let me tell you, this baby is no genius. In fact, it consistently mistakes me, 40-something and good with words, for a socially deviant 14-year-old boy every single time I try to write text. I mean, is it even possible for a phone to have a personality disorder? You be the judge:

What I tried to type:

Hello! How are you?

What my phone came up with:

Hey-yo! Howard U?

What I tried to type:

What's the dress code tonight?

What my phone came up with:

What's the best codeine high?

What I tried to type:

I'm wearing black pants and a top.

What my phone came up with:

Armoring black Pete Davidson.

What I tried to type:

Omg, forget it. See you later.

What my phone came up with:

Omg, fug head it. Semen waiter.

What I tried to type:

Should we grab a bite?

What my phone came up with

Should we grab ass and bison?

What I tried to type:

Oh jeez, see you there. Should we eat inside?

What my phone came up with:

Jojo Siwa is a snide Indian.

What I tried to type:

Want to reschedule?

What my phone came up with:

Want to reskin a mule?

What I I tried to type:

How’s next Wednesday?

What my phone came up with:

How’s next wasted dad day?

What I tried to type:

Ugh, next Wed-nes-day?!

What my phone came up with:

Ugh, naked wet neck's day?!

What I tried to type:

Uuuugh, was trying to say maybe next Wednesday!!!

What my phone came up with:

Uuuugh, we tipsy may be wasted daddy daddy!!

What I tried to type:

I’m done! No more texting.

What my phone came up with:

I'm done! No more sexy sexy.

What I tried to type:

Love you to the moon. Text you later.

What my phone came up with:

Love to do threesome. Textual slayer!

What I tried to type:

This is all wrong. Are you okay??

What my phone came up with:

Tactical bong. Are ukulele??